newlifeinstpaul: (The Princess & Queen Brenda 2014)
[personal profile] newlifeinstpaul

Some of you--but I doubt if it's more than a few--already realize I'm speaking of myself.
'Specially at the Auto Show. Where I'ma giddy at all the new sheet metal and will say the First Thing that Comes to Me. To complete strangers. To the Missus' utter shock and disbelief. She's never grasped that 95% of everybody's thinking the same thing. Fine I'm lying. Thinking something vaguely similar 'till I came along and fuckered it totally sideways.

One of Brenda's favorites tho? Is a game we call Check The Demo(graphic).
Oh THAT'S a cool car. Wait! Who's hovering around it? Ewwwwwwwww. Maybe not.

She's 'specially fond of this game near sports cars.
Typically, I'd NEVER take photos like these. B would, cuz shots are perceived as more innocuous from a woman.
But Brenda couldn't come this year and I needed her to feel as if she was part of my day.
To HELL with it said I to me. Click went my phone, off with some texts.

Four herndred hoorsepower ya say? YUP. That'll fix EVERYTHING.

Except ma bum knee. Still can't get IN the damned thing.

No, no! Actually this one WOULD fix my arthritis.

Me to the guy with the most hair: If I drove home from the dealer with that thing? My wife would punch me in the gut--so she could knee me in the forehead easier!

He laughed....but the woman with him laughed harder.

Based on your observation of this focus group, what will the Acura NSX do for its owner?

A) Restore your hairline
B) Restore your hairline if you needed it, cuz you don't since that cap totally sells it
C) Magically melt 40-100 pounds
F) Grant your life its missing purpose
Q) All of the above, at the bare minimum

More assholery to follow.

weebly statistics

Date: 2017-03-17 11:12 am (UTC)

Date: 2017-03-17 12:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
What's wrong with the Ford Focus?

Date: 2017-03-17 02:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's one of the Douche Focuses (actually, there's two) with a big engine and AWD and in case you somehow missed the fact it's the D-Bag mobile, there's a five-minute long video on a huuuuuuuge screen of it driving for a jug of milk and loaf of bread, except like THIS

and drifting while half the back wheels are off the drop-off into a river an shit (with BIG dramatic slow-mos of the tires in case you missed it) and various other activities from which your Average Actual Buyer would t-bone a bridge abutment and die.

Now I wish I'd recorded it--cuz I could flail about all day without capturing its true absurdity.

Date: 2017-03-17 01:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
My wife would punch me in the gut--so she could knee me in the forehead easier! He laughed....but the woman with him laughed harder.
Yeah, I'm the one who bought the coupe, and as a big guy, Frank doesn't even look at these.

Date: 2017-03-18 06:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That doesn't seem to stop half the dudes in my pic, tho.
Frank's apparently hog-tied to the principles of Good Sense...

Date: 2017-03-17 02:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
M) Get you to the next stop light faster!

Date: 2017-03-18 12:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Except if YOU stomp the pedal too hard, you might slip off those phone books you stacked up to peer over the dash :PPPPP

Date: 2017-03-22 01:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hay! I have adjustable seats now, so I retired the phone books!

Date: 2017-03-17 04:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
ha. great post.
I'm glad you needed to be unleashed!

Date: 2017-03-17 05:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Whoa, those cars look pretty neat!

Date: 2017-03-19 05:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Remind me never to go to an auto show with you. Nor to let you see my next car.

Date: 2017-03-20 02:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Will half the engine protrude from the hood, polished in chrome...?


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