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Foolish Things I Do, to Hurt Myself
Apr. 18th, 2017 12:45 pmSo Valleyfair--the local amusement park.
People don't go. Amirite? They don't and why would they?
They haven't cultivated mindshare or loyalty 'mongst the townies like other attractions. Say, the Renaissance Faire or the Mall of America or...dare I say it? The State Fair. (ASIDE TO NON-LOCALS: More folks attend the State Fair in under two weeks than visit Valleyfair between May and November. It's not even close)
And how would they? They haven't installed a real coaster in a decade*. They've installed one adult thrill ride in nine years, but removed another to build it. Oh, wait. It's kinda like the family ride from last year on a taller pole. Heady stuff, no?
Here's proof: B was listening to a radio show where a guest discussed her fear of VF's 'new coaster--the one that dangles your feet.' The host--a station BTW that Valleyfair advertises on--replied 'they have a coaster that DOES that?' The coaster in question was built FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. Like I said? Nobody goes.
Their corporate owner admits the park's not only profitable, but underutilized. Only without actually doing anything about that. Which might partly explain why the last guy in charge quit for a job at the Zoo.
ANYWAYYYYYYYY I told you that to tell you I was drool-wishing over yet another attraction we'll never see at our park.
OARMAGOURD it's BEAUTIFUL. It's a six-lane racing slide that uses two-to-three person tube slides instead of foam mats. B WOULD RIDE IT since it's not head-first. Because of the tubes, it's got the rider capacity of a coaster. It's rerideable, it's fun to watch, it fits in a roughly 200 x 200 foot space. Kinda like our unloved Soak City Front Gate sand volleyball court. Not to be confused with the OTHER unloved sand volleyball court three to five hundred feet away.
But let's be realisitc. In the real world, Cedar Fair's got two Proslide Tornado 60s and a multislide tower idling elsewhere in America. They could ship it to Valleyfair and erect it for less than half the cost of a new attraction. Yet here we sit. Legs crossed on the pavement, blinking in the hot sun. We're short on chairs and umbrellas, too.
*They transferred an aging kiddie coaster from a sister park to replace one they've removed. They've also installed a family spinning ride with a 'hump' in it, but the former VP had the integrity and personal pride to refuse calling it a 'coaster'
People don't go. Amirite? They don't and why would they?
They haven't cultivated mindshare or loyalty 'mongst the townies like other attractions. Say, the Renaissance Faire or the Mall of America or...dare I say it? The State Fair. (ASIDE TO NON-LOCALS: More folks attend the State Fair in under two weeks than visit Valleyfair between May and November. It's not even close)
And how would they? They haven't installed a real coaster in a decade*. They've installed one adult thrill ride in nine years, but removed another to build it. Oh, wait. It's kinda like the family ride from last year on a taller pole. Heady stuff, no?
Here's proof: B was listening to a radio show where a guest discussed her fear of VF's 'new coaster--the one that dangles your feet.' The host--a station BTW that Valleyfair advertises on--replied 'they have a coaster that DOES that?' The coaster in question was built FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. Like I said? Nobody goes.
Their corporate owner admits the park's not only profitable, but underutilized. Only without actually doing anything about that. Which might partly explain why the last guy in charge quit for a job at the Zoo.
ANYWAYYYYYYYY I told you that to tell you I was drool-wishing over yet another attraction we'll never see at our park.
OARMAGOURD it's BEAUTIFUL. It's a six-lane racing slide that uses two-to-three person tube slides instead of foam mats. B WOULD RIDE IT since it's not head-first. Because of the tubes, it's got the rider capacity of a coaster. It's rerideable, it's fun to watch, it fits in a roughly 200 x 200 foot space. Kinda like our unloved Soak City Front Gate sand volleyball court. Not to be confused with the OTHER unloved sand volleyball court three to five hundred feet away.
But let's be realisitc. In the real world, Cedar Fair's got two Proslide Tornado 60s and a multislide tower idling elsewhere in America. They could ship it to Valleyfair and erect it for less than half the cost of a new attraction. Yet here we sit. Legs crossed on the pavement, blinking in the hot sun. We're short on chairs and umbrellas, too.
*They transferred an aging kiddie coaster from a sister park to replace one they've removed. They've also installed a family spinning ride with a 'hump' in it, but the former VP had the integrity and personal pride to refuse calling it a 'coaster'
