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The laptop..should I open the box?
Nov. 26th, 2005 08:55 amI have a laptop. It's sitting right there...but I'm afraid to open the box.
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start this story where it begins!
4:40 am
My room
Alarm clock: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
My left arm: *swipe*
Alarm clock: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
My left arm: *swipe?*
Left eye: *Opens a little*
Alarm clock: Ha! I'm not on the nightstand where you can unconsciously hit snooze!
Me: Hrrgh?
Alarm clock: That's right, I'm on the dresser, bitch!
Me: Crap! It's 4:40!
4:55 am
outside Wal-Mart
Reasonably cute gal: I can't believe this line! This is crazy!
Me: Well...I'm sure out here in it. So I can't call anybody else nuts.
RCG: Yeah. I guess! *giggles*
Me: So what are you here to get?
RCG: I just wanna get my boy one of those Spongebob TVs.
Me: Okay, see now YOU'RE crazy. But just you.
RCG: *Giggles some more* What are you getting?
Me: They have laptops for $398. I was just about to get a Dell for $550.
RCG: Ooh!
Me: I could do a whole lot with that money I keep.
RCG: The doors are opening! Wheee! *tosses her cigarette*
5:01 am
Inside Wal-Mart
Loudspeaker: If you are caught running, you will NOT be allowed to purchase! If you are caught running, you will NOT be allowed to purchase! If you are...
A few minutes later
Back in the car
Me: *turns key, cranks the ignition*
Car: Vroom.
Clock: 5:03
Me: *drives car out of parking lot*
Left turn signal: Blink. Blink. Blink.
Me: FUCK!!!!!!!
5:10 am
Best Buy
Me: Hello!
(NOTE: While friendly, this is the 'Hello' that makes people drop things and turn to face me)
Store Dude: Huh?
Me: Do you have any of the $579 Gateways left?
SD: Do you have a voucher?
Me: Hrrrrgh?
Sd: A voucher for the PC.
Me: Nope. Just walked in the store.
SD: Ooooh.
Me: What? *thinking about going back to bed now*
SD: I'm not sure if we have any more...
Me: *visions of pillows dancing in my head*
SD: ..but you CAN wait in this line.
Me: Only a half-mile long. Why not?
5:20 am
Best Buy line
(spoken only in the native tongue)
Dude 1: Dude.
Dude 2: Duuuuude.
Big Dude: This line's longer'n fuck!
Dude 2: DOOD.
Dude 1: Dude.
Big Dude: I wish I coulda got a Damn Toshiba laptop.
Me: Dude?
Big Dude: Yeah, it was $379 and ish.
Me: DOOD!
Big Dude: And I got here at 3 AM, but they people ahead of me beat me to them.
Me: Duuuuuuuuuuuude.
Big Dude: So all they had left were these Gateway vouchers...so I got three.
Me: Dude!
Big Dude: Oh, were you in line for one?
Me: dood.
Big Dude: I was gonna sell em on EBay anyway. I can make do with two.
Me: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!11111111oneonewun
*opens voucher packet reads label: #29 of 29*
7:04 am
front of the line
Geek: So you can get our anti-virus special protection pack for only...
Me: I'm a systems guy, I got my own stuff and I hate your Norton. Bah!
Geek: Would you like our extended warranty, which protects you in case of...
Me: I'm more than aware of both the doorknob curve of failure and Moore's Law.
(Doorknob curve simplified: If it's isn't gonna fail in the first 90 days, it just isn't gonna fail. That's why salesmen pocket half of the extended warranty money--the odds anyone will have to make good on it is so very low. Unless, of course, it's an Ipod.)
Geek: Ha. I love it when people have to buy the biggest, baddest most expensive stuff.
Me: Yeah, I gotta friend like that. She bought pretty much the same thing I got this summer for about $1500.
(NOTE: Okay, the CPU and graphics might be better, but for what SHE does with it?)
Geek: Yup. Let's go get your PC.
Which brings us to the present.
MY FEAR: There's a 15% restocking fee if I open this box...but who's to say another PC won't go on sale for $400 next week?
I've talked this over with a couple of people.
I've talked to two people so far--here's their advice:
Lil Brookie @ Job #2: You know, I got this small skirt once? It was a little tight. So I took it back? And got a medium? But then that was too loose. And then I couldn't get the small one back.
Me: You've worked a double shift again, haven't you?
LB: Yup. I'm really tired.
Me: So...uh, what were you trying to tell me with that story?
LB: Keep the small skirt.
Me: Hrrrgh?
Ex: You know what? I'm gonna drive all the way up there grab that tape that says '15% restocking fee,' RIP it off the box and leave. I'm not even gonna open the box. Just jack up that tape! Ha!
So what's your answer to the $200 question? Should I open it?
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start this story where it begins!
4:40 am
My room
Alarm clock: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
My left arm: *swipe*
Alarm clock: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
My left arm: *swipe?*
Left eye: *Opens a little*
Alarm clock: Ha! I'm not on the nightstand where you can unconsciously hit snooze!
Me: Hrrgh?
Alarm clock: That's right, I'm on the dresser, bitch!
Me: Crap! It's 4:40!
4:55 am
outside Wal-Mart
Reasonably cute gal: I can't believe this line! This is crazy!
Me: Well...I'm sure out here in it. So I can't call anybody else nuts.
RCG: Yeah. I guess! *giggles*
Me: So what are you here to get?
RCG: I just wanna get my boy one of those Spongebob TVs.
Me: Okay, see now YOU'RE crazy. But just you.
RCG: *Giggles some more* What are you getting?
Me: They have laptops for $398. I was just about to get a Dell for $550.
RCG: Ooh!
Me: I could do a whole lot with that money I keep.
RCG: The doors are opening! Wheee! *tosses her cigarette*
5:01 am
Inside Wal-Mart
Loudspeaker: If you are caught running, you will NOT be allowed to purchase! If you are caught running, you will NOT be allowed to purchase! If you are...
A few minutes later
Back in the car
Me: *turns key, cranks the ignition*
Car: Vroom.
Clock: 5:03
Me: *drives car out of parking lot*
Left turn signal: Blink. Blink. Blink.
Me: FUCK!!!!!!!
5:10 am
Best Buy
Me: Hello!
(NOTE: While friendly, this is the 'Hello' that makes people drop things and turn to face me)
Store Dude: Huh?
Me: Do you have any of the $579 Gateways left?
SD: Do you have a voucher?
Me: Hrrrrgh?
Sd: A voucher for the PC.
Me: Nope. Just walked in the store.
SD: Ooooh.
Me: What? *thinking about going back to bed now*
SD: I'm not sure if we have any more...
Me: *visions of pillows dancing in my head*
SD: ..but you CAN wait in this line.
Me: Only a half-mile long. Why not?
5:20 am
Best Buy line
(spoken only in the native tongue)
Dude 1: Dude.
Dude 2: Duuuuude.
Big Dude: This line's longer'n fuck!
Dude 2: DOOD.
Dude 1: Dude.
Big Dude: I wish I coulda got a Damn Toshiba laptop.
Me: Dude?
Big Dude: Yeah, it was $379 and ish.
Me: DOOD!
Big Dude: And I got here at 3 AM, but they people ahead of me beat me to them.
Me: Duuuuuuuuuuuude.
Big Dude: So all they had left were these Gateway vouchers...so I got three.
Me: Dude!
Big Dude: Oh, were you in line for one?
Me: dood.
Big Dude: I was gonna sell em on EBay anyway. I can make do with two.
Me: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!11111111oneonewun
*opens voucher packet reads label: #29 of 29*
7:04 am
front of the line
Geek: So you can get our anti-virus special protection pack for only...
Me: I'm a systems guy, I got my own stuff and I hate your Norton. Bah!
Geek: Would you like our extended warranty, which protects you in case of...
Me: I'm more than aware of both the doorknob curve of failure and Moore's Law.
(Doorknob curve simplified: If it's isn't gonna fail in the first 90 days, it just isn't gonna fail. That's why salesmen pocket half of the extended warranty money--the odds anyone will have to make good on it is so very low. Unless, of course, it's an Ipod.)
Geek: Ha. I love it when people have to buy the biggest, baddest most expensive stuff.
Me: Yeah, I gotta friend like that. She bought pretty much the same thing I got this summer for about $1500.
(NOTE: Okay, the CPU and graphics might be better, but for what SHE does with it?)
Geek: Yup. Let's go get your PC.
Which brings us to the present.
MY FEAR: There's a 15% restocking fee if I open this box...but who's to say another PC won't go on sale for $400 next week?
I've talked this over with a couple of people.
I've talked to two people so far--here's their advice:
Lil Brookie @ Job #2: You know, I got this small skirt once? It was a little tight. So I took it back? And got a medium? But then that was too loose. And then I couldn't get the small one back.
Me: You've worked a double shift again, haven't you?
LB: Yup. I'm really tired.
Me: So...uh, what were you trying to tell me with that story?
LB: Keep the small skirt.
Me: Hrrrgh?
Ex: You know what? I'm gonna drive all the way up there grab that tape that says '15% restocking fee,' RIP it off the box and leave. I'm not even gonna open the box. Just jack up that tape! Ha!
So what's your answer to the $200 question? Should I open it?
