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From MSP Wednesday afternoon
Oct. 20th, 2006 12:30 amDamn this efficiency.
A pox upon this foreknowledge of all the TSA’s wants, needs, bells, whistles, finger-shaking, tut-tutting now-you-know-you-betta-this and that’s.
Get to your airport two hours in advance, they say. Wear clean underwear. Take off your shoes and belt. Make sure your buttcheeks are fully evacuated. Prepare to answer forty-five random questions about your mother’s uncle’s pet’s chew toy.
I did as I read, as I was told, just like a good lil’ flyer.
Arrival at MSP: 2:45
I haven’t been here for a flight since the flight-a-holic days of 2004. They’ve made a few changes at MSP--including a high-tech, uber-cool underground tram. Climb aboard and revel in the ease and smoothness with which you whisk from…uh, the auto rental area to the escalators leading to the boarding area. Sound like a short distance? Almost as if it doesn’t really get you anywhere? Hey! Shut up, you! Why do you hate America so much?
At least there’s a recorded voice with a quasi-British accent.
Ad then there’s the far more practical moving walkways that actually make life easier. Right? Right? Actually, wrong. There aren’t any. Wonderful planning, huh?
Arrival at TSA Central: 2:58
Guess I coulda brought a bigger carry-on bag than I did. Much bigger, in fact. With wheels. But do I care about that? I happen to like my new, tiny black $15 nylon bag. Besides, since I couldn’t carry on my gym bag--as I tend to do--it forced me to become more efficient with my packing choices.
In fact, I was packed so efficiently no one bothered to search my bag. I even forgot to remove my quart bag of liquid toiletries from its pouch on the side. Didn’t matter. I sailed right through while Mister Cowboy was arguing about whether or not he had to check in his snow globes while they unpacked his laptop to run through the x-ray machine again.
As smoothly as can be expected, anyway. Still had to put my shoes back on, put my belt back on my pants, grab my wallet, keys, blah bluh blah blah you get the picture,
Arrival at Gate E7 3:04
That wasn’t so bad, was it? Uh…
Flight time: 5:05
Could you define ‘bad’ for me? That may have a very slight bearing on the answer.
At least there’s an exposed A/C outlet near my gate. Of course, there’s at least five other people huddled around it like hobos to a trash barrel fire, trying to find something to do. $7 a day for access to the Web? Are you serious? No wonder everyone with a laptop in front of them looks bored.
Add me to that number.
I wanna save my battery power for the flight.
A pox upon this foreknowledge of all the TSA’s wants, needs, bells, whistles, finger-shaking, tut-tutting now-you-know-you-betta-this and that’s.
Get to your airport two hours in advance, they say. Wear clean underwear. Take off your shoes and belt. Make sure your buttcheeks are fully evacuated. Prepare to answer forty-five random questions about your mother’s uncle’s pet’s chew toy.
I did as I read, as I was told, just like a good lil’ flyer.
Arrival at MSP: 2:45
I haven’t been here for a flight since the flight-a-holic days of 2004. They’ve made a few changes at MSP--including a high-tech, uber-cool underground tram. Climb aboard and revel in the ease and smoothness with which you whisk from…uh, the auto rental area to the escalators leading to the boarding area. Sound like a short distance? Almost as if it doesn’t really get you anywhere? Hey! Shut up, you! Why do you hate America so much?
At least there’s a recorded voice with a quasi-British accent.
Ad then there’s the far more practical moving walkways that actually make life easier. Right? Right? Actually, wrong. There aren’t any. Wonderful planning, huh?
Arrival at TSA Central: 2:58
Guess I coulda brought a bigger carry-on bag than I did. Much bigger, in fact. With wheels. But do I care about that? I happen to like my new, tiny black $15 nylon bag. Besides, since I couldn’t carry on my gym bag--as I tend to do--it forced me to become more efficient with my packing choices.
In fact, I was packed so efficiently no one bothered to search my bag. I even forgot to remove my quart bag of liquid toiletries from its pouch on the side. Didn’t matter. I sailed right through while Mister Cowboy was arguing about whether or not he had to check in his snow globes while they unpacked his laptop to run through the x-ray machine again.
As smoothly as can be expected, anyway. Still had to put my shoes back on, put my belt back on my pants, grab my wallet, keys, blah bluh blah blah you get the picture,
Arrival at Gate E7 3:04
That wasn’t so bad, was it? Uh…
Flight time: 5:05
Could you define ‘bad’ for me? That may have a very slight bearing on the answer.
At least there’s an exposed A/C outlet near my gate. Of course, there’s at least five other people huddled around it like hobos to a trash barrel fire, trying to find something to do. $7 a day for access to the Web? Are you serious? No wonder everyone with a laptop in front of them looks bored.
Add me to that number.
I wanna save my battery power for the flight.
