(no subject)

The New Year's Commandments

...which I'm unabashedly filching from the rapper Tink. After all, her uber-catchy, potty-mouthed, not-entirely-safe-for-work but PERFECT for workout Ratchet Commandments keeps looping in my head. If you don't mind foul language, you might consider playing it in the background. But I'm going to warn you, she Goes There. A lot.

Playing it? Not playing it (which is fine, too)? Great!

Thou Shalt Not...Buy Under Armour/LuLu Lemon. Yet

There's a reason I feel compelled to lead off with this. We Gym Rat Regulars see a lot of the new folk showing up in expensive gear. It's shiny and perhaps a wee bit flattering (relatively speaking) and it might even grant noobs a burst of confidence. And then they disappear.

Shiny new clothes are NOT gonna get you in the gym. ENOUGH gym clothes are going to get you in the gym. When those two pairs of fancy crap you spent $75 per ensemble are dirty, then what? See how that doesn't work? For the price of a couple of those fancy schmancy things, you can buy a week's worth of cheaper clothes that you're only gonna skunk up anyway. Besides, what's the point of your New Year's resolution? Making your Present Clothes TOO BIG. Amirite? So if success equals throwing those shiny new clothes you just bought AWAY, then....why break the bank on them?

Wal-Mart and Target are your friends. I rarely spend more than $12 on a single item of clothing. This week's the time to load up. The only reason I don't buy $4 Fruit of the Loom tees is the amount of time I spend in the whirlpool. I'll bleach them out. If you're not going to sit in a whirlpool, they'll do nicely. Unless you're a very sweaty person (like me) in which case wicking poly from C9 (Target), Russell or Starter (Wal-Mart--they're made by the same people) will do quite nicely. Dark colors, not too tight. SEVEN SETS if you can manage buying them all at once. If you can't, go for at least four. If money's tight, go Fruit of the Loom on the shorts, too.

If there's an item you don't want to skimp on, it's underwear. BUT you don't want to splurge, either. You'll wear them out faster than anything else. If your thighs touch, go for boxers. Yes, I typed that. If they do, they do. Listen, if I run a mile in a day, it was a lazy day--and I've got big ol' Glory Days of Slavery cart-pullin' thighs. Think I'm gonna run in some Patrick-Swayze ass nylon briefs? Snort. Only if I want thigh-scuff past my (bleep)in' KNEES. I wear heavy cotton boxer briefs. The boys up top need to stay where they belong, the fabric needs to take the punishment my legs would otherwise AND I have to afford replacements. Am I pulling down my pants on the gym floor? No? Good! Nobody gets to see them anyway.

Unfortunately I have zero advice on sports bras. Sorry. We all know why.

If you're driving an older car with an interior you're not terribly worried about, you might consider soaping out your clothes in the shower while you bathe, wringing them out and hanging them in your back seat to drip dry in the car. They might wrinkle up a bit if they're cotton BUT you'd always have clothes available. Frankly, that's exactly what I do in my hotel when I travel.

Should my next post cover gym bags and MP3 players? Or Why They're Not All Looking at You? Let me know!

(no subject)

New Year's Commandments: Packin' it Up and Wearing your Helmet

Oh, no. Am I back with MORE Tink? 'Fraid so.
Ratchet sounds like good cardio to me, this cut makes me wanna add 10-15 more pounds on resistance machines. Last one. Promise. Mind you, her language isn't any nicer.

What would you need in a gym bag to get in, get done, get out, get ready for the next day? Don't worry about getting it perfect, as long as you keep going. Starting off with a plastic grocery bag and a padlock? Are you going to the gym, tho? Then GREAT.

I'll show you how I pack during the week. Guess how long it took me to get this to a science? Maybe SEVEN years since signing up at my current gym. Which is why I tell you not to worry 'bout getting it perfect. That takes a while.





The Procat by Puma 24" duffel is $40 at Target. Not the cheapest bag, but it lasts a while. It's small enough to hang in a half-size locker alongside clothes, but has lots of external pockets. It doesn't have a true 'wet' pocket, but anyone can compensate for that with Ziploc Gallon-size Freezer Bags. Ziploc Bags are my bestest friends. I keep my shampoo and body wash in a gallon bag on the left, my soaped-and-rinsed used clothes on the right. The front pocket holds my wallet, phone and keys while I'm working out. The body of the bag holds my shoes, a week's worth of socks and boxers (which I load every Sunday night), deodorant, lotion and other necessary grooming-up things. Oh--and a LOT more Ziploc Gallon Bags.

Again, your needs may vary. My gym provides towels. My hair's ultra-low maintenance. But that's what I do.

Okay, on to another critical piece. Your Happy Helmet!






Many folks already have an MP3/music player arrangement in place. Here's what you need to ask yourself:

- Is it sweatproof? Or close enough?
- If I lost it, would I merely be upset? Or would my whole life grind to a halt?

Here's a couple cheapies. The Machspeed Eclipse V180 clips to your collar, barely costs anything ($20 or less, depending on where you buy it) and has 8GB on board. The 2GB Hipstreet (aka Vertigo or a half-dozen other generic names) is even cheaper. Don't forget a cheap battery pack. Better yet, two. Rotate the batteries between your bag and your charger weekly.

I keep my player, battery pack and cable in a generic locking container from Dollar Tree. Lose a piece, break a piece, stomp the whole box, buy another one. But these units won't play protected audio (formally called DRM). If you're an iTunes person, a Shuffle's your cheapest option.

Some folks pack their cheap Black Friday tablets instead. If you have one and you've already paid for it, fine. Nothing's cheaper than free. The downside of a tablet? You're more likely to stick to cardio, less likely to mix up the resistance machines IMHO. BUT keep that in context. This isn't about polishing your routine to perfection. It's about getting there and staying there day after day. What you have will do. Perfect Isn't Necessary™.

A player loaded with your favorite tunes will help keep you focused when your day sucks and you'd rather not and you're getting moody. Hell, you know what Happy Helmets do.

But don't avoid the gym because you don't have one. GO work out anyway. But when you're at CVS or Walgreens or the hardware store, even (any/all of these items are available at Menards where I live) pick one up.

Don't listen to Tink? What would you prefer to listen to? What's the Top Five on your player?