(no subject)

Q: What's the worst thing you can possibly do to poultry?


A: Turkey Terror II Teaser Trailer
Monday, January 30^th, 9 AM CDT

And now, my first 'three notches past...' award

Congratulations Majors Sports Bar in Inver Grove Heights!
You win the Most Dated New Restaurant Award and Honorable Mention in the Best Reason to say Please oh PLEASE Kill Me Now category.

I just figgered since the place had wi-fi and big ol' screens to watch the Woofies get their asses kicked, how could I go wrong? Gee, I dunno. Should I tell you?

I can't put my finger on a single, specific reason to grant this award. Oh, wait--yes I can! It's the 'live' entertainment that performs Neil MuthaFreakin' Diamond among other songs that make male frontal hair follicles literally ask each other, Hey, should we call it a lifetime? I wish I was kidding. You can literally hear hairlines recede between songs. It's this really low-toned skkkkkkrrrrrrreeeeee not unlike a blackboard being scuffed with a piece of facial tissue.

The service isn't bad. The food isn't either. Sure, the 'chop salad' I had was more like a minced chicken, cheese and peppered-bacon sammich without the bun, garnished with a little lettuce on top, then flipped on its head...but I'm not saying that in itself was BAD. Just, oh I dunno? Just a little too overtly masculine and throwback all at once?

Put it this way: If my life became so bland, so overbearing, so overwhelmingly pedestrian that this became an escape? I sincerely and without hesitation ask to be shot. Between the eyes. End it quickly. Please.

Oh. My. SHIT.
They're singing Neil Diamond's 'America.'

Great gobs of middle-aged pre-geriatric clusterfuck.