Keep it SHUT, you're behind the cut.

Defying a Direct Order

Remember Friday when B ran up on me at the Mall? Which mall--Oh COME ON stop asking. Anyway, I got a mysterious text message from nowhere. No words. No explanation. No convo before or after. Just this.





I could read the brand name on the bag (the mysterious sender seemed to make sure I could) but couldn't find it on Fossil's website. Tried to find it at the outlet store--no luck. But after enough fumbling about at the outlet store, I keyed in on enough descriptive terms to winnow it out.

It's a $210 bag made of cotton. COTTON. Sure, there's discounts to be applied that would bring the price down a bit. But COTTON. No no no no NO no no hell (bleep)ing no. Can't do it. Newp. Sorry. I'm 80s old school. Still wear Ralph Lauren polos to work like a damn 'preppie.' Was raised in a house where they sure dressed ME like shit, but my mother and sisters all had Coach bags. And by 'Coach' bag? I most certainly do Not. Mean. Fabric. LEATHER (bleep)ing (bleep)ity (bleep)it. Involving EFFORT. Okay, fine. Not that much. Sort of 'Hey, while you're cutting those steaks....?'

Maybe just possibly MAYBE I could spend that much on a fabric Braccialini. MAYBE. But not today.

So lemme show you what I boxed and Tragically Wrapped™ today. It's behind the cut.

( Don't you hate it when men gift themselves...? )