(no subject)

Undeserving

Tell you the TRUTH. I have the Worst Ever case of Impostor Syndrome.
Ever heard of it? It's when you feel as if you're some sort of fraud.
As if you don't deserve your job or your lifestyle and One Day They're Gonna Find Out the 'Truth.'

Intellectually, it makes no sense. It doesn't. There's no getting around that. But in all too many ways, perhaps I'm stuck in the 90s. Still barely getting by from check to check and can't figure out why so many of my religious 'brothers' (Seriously WTF? Didn't that bunch part ways with me THIRTEEN YEARS AGO?) were doing so well.

Which might explain why there's never been a full-on shot of my car. GUILT. How is it not my car? Who drove up to the dealer and said 'that one over there?' Okay, TBH drove to the dealer, then walked out of the dealership, then off to another on a day they were closed, then back to the first one and OH WAIT actually B picked the car while the salesman and I exchanged insults over their trade offer. *headslap* But that's not the point. And? She chose from the exact same color and group of options SooOOOOOooo bottom line? I wanted it, I picked it, it's mine, I can afford it WTF is there to feel guilty about....?

B and I chose (mostly B, but with a lot of *cough* gentle hints and guidance from Mister Technical) to spend our tax dollars upgrading the family room. Ten times the guilt. Still no reason for it.

So this happens next: I put it out there and that's that.

( Almost. You have to click )