(no subject)

[newlifeinstpaul]

Undeserving

Tell you the TRUTH. I have the Worst Ever case of Impostor Syndrome.
Ever heard of it? It's when you feel as if you're some sort of fraud.
As if you don't deserve your job or your lifestyle and One Day They're Gonna Find Out the 'Truth.'

Intellectually, it makes no sense. It doesn't. There's no getting around that. But in all too many ways, perhaps I'm stuck in the 90s. Still barely getting by from check to check and can't figure out why so many of my religious 'brothers' (Seriously WTF? Didn't that bunch part ways with me THIRTEEN YEARS AGO?) were doing so well.

Which might explain why there's never been a full-on shot of my car. GUILT. How is it not my car? Who drove up to the dealer and said 'that one over there?' Okay, TBH drove to the dealer, then walked out of the dealership, then off to another on a day they were closed, then back to the first one and OH WAIT actually B picked the car while the salesman and I exchanged insults over their trade offer. *headslap* But that's not the point. And? She chose from the exact same color and group of options SooOOOOOooo bottom line? I wanted it, I picked it, it's mine, I can afford it WTF is there to feel guilty about....?

B and I chose (mostly B, but with a lot of *cough* gentle hints and guidance from Mister Technical) to spend our tax dollars upgrading the family room. Ten times the guilt. Still no reason for it.

So this happens next: I put it out there and that's that.









There it is. It looks like that. Would have rather had the Lakeside Blue BUT the black interior was just a twitch more important. But not as important as Not Beige because Just No.

It's got every electronic doohickey they could sell me, but not the turbo engine cuz I wanted the higher gas mileage. Oh, and to replace my spark plugs every 105,000 miles instead of 40K. It's comfy, it's somewhat pratical, it's almost Me on Four Wheels. THERE.


And also this, while we're working out all the Guilt n Shit. Cuz this makes me feel that way too.








You know you can't even find these shits, right? They've been selling 4K televisions for how long--a year, two years without any media? Being the First To Buy New Tech is Always, ALWAYS Stupid. Cuz DUH. However, somebody offered it to us for half price (which brought it down from Batshit Crazy to Only Dumb) and B was all We're Getting THAT One and I went Being The First To Buy New Tech is....Wait, How 'Bout I Shut The (Bleep) Up Now?

There! Now that I've said all that, I Feel so much Dirtier.
Which doesn't change anything 'bout the family room or my garage.
But there's no feeling any worse. Right...?

Comments

[cplady.livejournal.com]

I get that. I really DO. TODAY in fact.

Nice car.

[ragnarok-08.livejournal.com]

I totally understand about that.

That car looks pretty cool :)

[zoefruitcake.livejournal.com]

I know that feeling

[lilrongal.livejournal.com]

When I come visit you're going to drive me somewhere in that right??

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

Wha?!?!?!?!

Nah, you're gonna have to settle for B's old car. By 'old' I mean 2012.

Of course you're gonna ride around! But who calls 'shotgun' is between you and Aidan :PPP

[lilrongal.livejournal.com]

Also: TOTALLY get it about the Imposter Syndrome.
It's a constant work in progress.