(no subject)

You're DEWING it wrong, Mister Low-Tech Grandpaw Man: Episode MCXLVI

So two major problems with B and her new S7 so far.

She reads all those (bleep)ing 'teachy teachy' screens. Seriously, who DOES that shit? That's like reading a map of a town you've never visited or pulling over to ask for directions. MAN SAYS NO to that. Newp.

So I come home to Missus FULL OF *ahem* facts.

B: You've been doing selfies ALLLLLL WRONG.
Me: Oh have I? I get pictures, right?
B: You're not s'posed to wave at the camera to trigger a selfie.
Me: Except for the SELFIES I've already taken.
B: You're s'posed to hold your hand still.
Me: Okayyy.
B: That's why you're always waAAaaaving and waving for weeks at a time.
Me: It responds to ME.
B: You're not doin' it right.
Me: Yo damn fingernails too small.
B: And and ANND didya know you can take selfies with your heartbeat? Didja Didja DIDN'T???
Me: Ewk?
B: You can trigger a selfie with the heart rate sensor.
Me: The who?
B: It's right next to the flash, see?
Me: You mean--
B: NO NOT THERE.
Me: *to myself* Just WAITIN to say that. Walked right into it...
B: There! See? And when you take you finger off--selfie!
Me: Did I look disgusted in that one?
B: Huh?
Me: Yeah. That's what I was going for.
B: And ALLLLSOOOOOO

Then she caught me trying to sneak-install Pokemon Go on her shit.

B: You're not gonna gum up my phone with alla that nonsense!
Me: Gum up how? Your old phone gummed up cuz it was CRAP. Also Old and Slow.
B: It's gonna run slow from all of your junk stuff.
Me: Run slow HOW? I can run Pokemon Go in AR mode with Spotify or iHeartRadio on my headphones.
B: So?
Me: And THEN plug the whole thing into my car, run Android Auto AND my tunes and NOTHING BOGS DOWN.
B: I. DON'T. CARE.
Me: *poutface*
B: I only like playing it on YOUR phone.
Me: Which is now--other than color--identical to mine.
B: Is this the whole reason you did this?
Me: No!*


_{*But maybe sort of a little. I mean, it wasn't a MINUS}


Damn dammit damn damn DAMN.
Other topics later.

(no subject)

Damned Weak Valleyfair, and other amusement park ranting

Rumor has it Valleyfair will officially announce their new ride tomorrow. Along with Worlds of Fun and another sister park or two.

Except--of course--WoF has teaser entries on their Twitter page and their Facebook and they're doing what they can to generate free buzz. Not our park. Newp. WoF's website seems twenty times better as a whole. There's pages for recruiting more employees and spotlights on their 'employees of the (week? month? season?)' and they just plain Seem to Give a Rip. Valleyfair doesn't seem to give two shakes unless you're a corporate customer booking a picnic for a hundred or more.

Ah, well. We'll see. Any Star Flyer shorter than 300 feet is gonna be disappointing.
How will parkgoers reach 'new heights' if it's the same height as the 16 year-old Power Tower?

Meanwhile, a family-owned park in a smaller town drawing three to four HUNDRED thousand fewer visitors a year built this. Oh--and what Valleyfair's adding this year? They've got one already.

Impessive, no?
There's more where that came from....