Money! Its gotta be Da SHOOOOES!

[newlifeinstpaul]

Once upon a time there was this guy who decided to run a whole mile all by his little self.
He was so proud. All smiley and stuff. Looka him jumping all around like "I did it! I did it!"
Then the next day he tried to do it too.
And the next. And the next and so blah blah and blah blah and one hundred and seventy-six days later,
these were his poor widdle shoes.





Looka dem, frightened and huddling for warmth.
"Damn you, Nike!" they shrieked. "Why didn't you warn us?"
But don't let the puppy-dog shoelaces fool you.
Each day the guy ran, they started stabbing him in the foot.
Oh, wait. That was pretty much every day, wasn't it.
"Ouch, ouch!" said his feet.
"Tingle, tingle!!" said his right hip.
His surgically altered left knee said, "What the Flippin Mutha--"
"Shut yo mouf!" said everybody else.

The shoes said their prayers every night to the Shoe Karma gods.
My, my were those gods ever pissed!
"WHAT?!?!" said they. "A mile a day in two year old shoes? What the FOOT?!?!"
"Yes, yes," squealed the Nikes. "Please help us."
"Oh, you wait," said the gods. "Just you wait till he goes to the store"




So one day this guy went to Kohl's for new shoes.
"Ouch, ouch," went his feet. "Ouch, ouch!"
"Just you wait," said the Guy. "I'll even buy some the right size."
Which just happens to be 13EEEE.




"Why hellooooooooooo," said the Most Hideous Shoes of Them All.
"We're two shades of grey and orangey, too."
The Guy took one look.
Gag, GAG thought the guy.
"Oh, but we have been blessed with a magical curse," laughed the shoes.
"We will support that ONE SPOT behind the ball of your foot like no other shoe--yes we will!"
"Oh dear!," gasped the guy as he slipped the pair on. "They're like hot monkey love to my soles!"
"I wish I could find some more shoes not as gruesome."
YOINK! Went the Shoe Karma Gods and every other shoe that fit disappeared.
"Ouch, ouch!" reminded his feet.
"Son of a..." sighed the guy as he reached for his wallet.





See the Guy's new shoes!
See the Guy run faster than ever!
Run, Guy, run!
See the mob of angry Black folks chasing him
to revoke his Ghetto Pass, take his shoes
and pretty much beat him over the head with them.

At least it's aerobic. Or something.

THE END

Comments

[cplady.livejournal.com]

*wipes away tears and apologizes to the co-worker on the other side of the partition*

Oh. My. Gosh. I sooooo needed that!

[rachelk121.livejournal.com]

i needed that laugh this morning... thanks

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

I wanna break a bottle of champagne on these ugly mofos before a jog.

[rachelk121.livejournal.com]

wouldn't a 40 be more appropriate?

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

Like real Bruvva's jog in the first place.
Ever seen the Pall Mall Invitational 5K?

Yeah. I thought so. XD

[rose-queen.livejournal.com]

All that matters is your feet cry.

As a girl who's foot has been in agony daily for years, trust me. The toe operation is SCARY but has to be done, because I want to run too!

[notashamed.livejournal.com]

i don't think they're ugly.

[notashamed.livejournal.com]

and p.s. as if you ever had a ghetto pass to begin with :D

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

That will cost you.
I have no idea what it will cost you or even when it will.
But that will indeed cost you.

*pulls out notebook, scratches down one demerit, nods and closes it shut*

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

That's cuz you don't have men's size 13EEEE feet.

[vikarious.livejournal.com]

I don't think they're ugly either.


Also, where do you find the time for entries like these????

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

Between the couch cushions, of course.
Doesn't everybody?