I had a nightmare last night...
Apr. 23rd, 2006 01:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
newlifeinstpaul... and during said nightmare, I was at one of those J-Dub 'district conventions.'
Oh wait! I should explain what those are.
Once a year, they get a whole buncha congregations together for a 3 to 4 day big ol' meeting and sit for HOURS upon mind-numbing HOURS listening to Bible lectures, applauding on cue, being when to stand up and sit down, and walking past signs that read 'If it's on the floor, please pick it up.'
About a third of these lectures are actually written manuscripts that have to be read word-for-word. Trust me. There's at least two people assigned the task of reading along to verify that. Funny thing about em? You might as well take a nap while they're read--I mean--GIVEN, cuz they'll reappear word-for-word in One of Those Magazines six months later to be read a paragraph at a time with review questions. How many J-Dubs does it take toscrew in a light bulb say the same thing repeatedly before one of 'em gets it?
Oh yeah! On Sunday, people get dressed in Bible-time costumes and lip-synch to a recorded drama of why the Bible says we should do exactly as the J-dubs tell you to. And there's usually a new Book about the Bible introduced, that everybody applauds on cue about but maybe 5% of the recipients actually read. Unless of course, they set up a study day to drag everybody's nose through it a paragraph at a time...and did I mention the review questions?
The only thing more absurd than these gatherings themselves are the 'apostate' former J-Dubs picketing outside, trying to make the J-Dubs quit being J-Dubs. LET IT THE HELL GO people. Let 'em do what they do, dammit! If you really wanna torment them, go ride your bicycle or have a BBQ or any of the 40925823409283490238 other things they could be doing instead of stewing in their suit jackets and Sunday dresses, trying not to nod off while sitting for hours on some hard-ass stadium bleacher. They've got it bad enough.
Now where was I? OH YEAH the nightmare.
They like to have these things in stadiums and sports arenas--and for some reason, I was seated in the front row of an upper-level deck with no fence or rail or obstacle between me and the people 100 feet below me in a broken chair that kept tipping downward and these little bastard kids behind me who kept kicking my chair.
It was more annoying like a pebble in your shoe than terrifying, certain death notwithstanding...but still.
Oh wait! I should explain what those are.
Once a year, they get a whole buncha congregations together for a 3 to 4 day big ol' meeting and sit for HOURS upon mind-numbing HOURS listening to Bible lectures, applauding on cue, being when to stand up and sit down, and walking past signs that read 'If it's on the floor, please pick it up.'
About a third of these lectures are actually written manuscripts that have to be read word-for-word. Trust me. There's at least two people assigned the task of reading along to verify that. Funny thing about em? You might as well take a nap while they're read--I mean--GIVEN, cuz they'll reappear word-for-word in One of Those Magazines six months later to be read a paragraph at a time with review questions. How many J-Dubs does it take to
Oh yeah! On Sunday, people get dressed in Bible-time costumes and lip-synch to a recorded drama of why the Bible says we should do exactly as the J-dubs tell you to. And there's usually a new Book about the Bible introduced, that everybody applauds on cue about but maybe 5% of the recipients actually read. Unless of course, they set up a study day to drag everybody's nose through it a paragraph at a time...and did I mention the review questions?
The only thing more absurd than these gatherings themselves are the 'apostate' former J-Dubs picketing outside, trying to make the J-Dubs quit being J-Dubs. LET IT THE HELL GO people. Let 'em do what they do, dammit! If you really wanna torment them, go ride your bicycle or have a BBQ or any of the 40925823409283490238 other things they could be doing instead of stewing in their suit jackets and Sunday dresses, trying not to nod off while sitting for hours on some hard-ass stadium bleacher. They've got it bad enough.
Now where was I? OH YEAH the nightmare.
They like to have these things in stadiums and sports arenas--and for some reason, I was seated in the front row of an upper-level deck with no fence or rail or obstacle between me and the people 100 feet below me in a broken chair that kept tipping downward and these little bastard kids behind me who kept kicking my chair.
It was more annoying like a pebble in your shoe than terrifying, certain death notwithstanding...but still.
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 07:10 pm (UTC)Actually, I was sort of a deacon for this bunch until three years ago. Da Babies are still practicing members and I respect anyone who REALLY wants to live that way.
The don't-really-wannas-but-I'm-scared-to-leave types? Not so much.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 07:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 07:17 pm (UTC)Gee, I dunno..
J? :-P
no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 08:05 pm (UTC)It is so funny when she comes back though. I guess she is on the "trucking" committee so they unload and load everything and clean up before and after services. She always complains because the American Idols come to town the same weekends they have their conventions every year. I just sit and laugh inwardly about her having to pick off gum from under seats and stuff! :)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 08:25 pm (UTC)But the all-volunteer, nobody's-in-a-clergy-class or too good to do basic work mentality is something I admire. Nobody's too good to grab a mop or lend a hand to do something. Mister Overseer who was just lecturing folks all day or counseling elders in private session might offer to hold your baby in the bathroom while you fasten her diaper five minutes after he's done.
Sure, there's some dumb things about 'em, as with any faith a man made up. I just don't think that's one of them.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-23 09:09 pm (UTC)