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Office Moves
Jul. 28th, 2022 08:30 am
On Harassing Da 'Zilla
Jul. 18th, 2022 10:57 amIt's been reported to the court that I've engaged in harassing behavior.
Cuz I dropped all of her saved-up wrapping paper in the recycling bin. And 'chucked' all her things in her once-glorious Crawlspace Kingdom. Which was all part of cleaning up a house she left behind.
Can someone introduce 'Zilla to the Minnesota Court system...? It costs her more to do that than it would to replace the gift wrap. And if she left a note that She'd Be Right BACK, I'd have left things where they were.
Instead, she wanted to throw off the 'Never Coming Back' energy without considering the consequences. Most of which involved the house looking 20x better without her. That's a burn which won't heal quickly
The $268 Oil Change
Jul. 15th, 2022 10:58 pmNeeded a few extra repairs. Not to the car. Yet. That's another story, perhaps.
But during a cheap synthetic change at Walmart, I realized Zilla's kitchen snatching and house-slopping was an endeavor to rob me of my dignity.
So I bought a new set of pots and pans and a couple sets of silverware and a new set of four. With a couple extras to round it out to six. To make a point to myself.
If she assaults anybody? She'll never be able to work in a place of trust. Never a nursing home, never a school, never a hospital. She looks at you funny, her career is over. She literally Can't Do One Fucking Thing but leave
On Stumbling Outside, Blinking
Jul. 13th, 2022 10:35 amA timeline:
— Five years: I've lived in a state in which my happiness didn't matter, only someone else's
— 3.5 years: I've lived in a vacuum, devoid of physical love
— Three months: I've lived in two caves, not really my house at all
Today may possibly be different. But like any survivor, I could use hands to help drag me from my prison
So I was waiting on line for my Very Favoritest Waterslide (ever seen me at the park in the summer? You know the one) next to a 18-year old girl who's just come to America from Sierra Leone. We talked about her first winter and what brought her here and why I'd just run screaming from the lazy river (an extremely creepy white couple, but I did have to whisper an explanation of what a 'cuck' was...?) But once we'd got our tunes, she wanted to know my name.
Me: Abdul. What's yours?
Mailee: Mailer.
Me: Mailee?
Mailee: May LEE.
Me: May LEE? (Imagining an inflection error)
May LEE: MAYLEE!
MAYLEE: (Carefully matching tone) MAYLEE???
MAYLEE: Like the Mother of GOD!
Me: Ooh.
Mary: *dirty look*
The Difference The Years Make
Jul. 3rd, 2022 12:28 pmTwo years ago, I was coming home from Iowa. Doing the amusement park. Trying to keep my head up. I was running a single mile a day. I was 30 to 40 pounds heavier, depending on the day. Just trying to outlast the disease.
A year ago, I was back from a mega-weekend to the Chi and Wisconsin Dells. Sitting in the driveway, BBQing and drinking. Trying to sort thru my feelings about my farce of a marriage. Trying to kill the pain of abandonment at different phases of my life, at different levels.
Today? There's just pain.
Silently Root for Me, People
Jul. 1st, 2022 11:59 amI'm back in the trenches, scanning that stack of 'Beyonce Pose' Bills.
My brain exploded near the bottom of them.
Of course, the bills on the bottom are the ones she wants me to examine the least. And most subject to dispute.
She's apparently 'billed' me for my Chicago Auto Show trip taken slightly before The Big Fight. Which she can't really do if we were still married, per her filing. DOES help me pick out my expenses and strategically plan for another trip tho. So that's nice.
Also for my car's scheduled maintenance (coolant flush/fill, tranny fluid, new battery) which hit the credit card the day AFTER The Big Fight. Which makes the recent collapse of her car (cuz she DIDN'T maintain it) Ever So Bloody Hilarious.
This is My Day Off. I could be at the gym. I could be at Valleyfair.
But I'd have to do this anyway. And and AND and Annnnnnnnnnnd...?
I know how I'm going to end this.
She's going to come home today to a bunch of opened bills. Signed checks protruding from each envelope, for half their amount. AND a note that I've deposited my half of the mortgage with the bank; so should she.
And that?
Will make this Lost Summer's Day completely worth it
(Maybe a year or two ago, as I was driving her to my house)
Adult Midget: I used to HATE when you'd run errands.
Me: Sorry. Kinda had to tho.
AM: ESPECIALLY Menards.
Me: Hmmm...?
AM: Menards was the WORST.
Me: Why?
AM: I couldn't POKE anything.
Me: Youuuuuu. What?
AM: Remember how you'd tell me not to touch the bread at the grocery store?
Me: Yeah
AM: And the meat?
Me: WAIT.
AM: I poked holes in EVERY loaf of bread and package of meat I could get my hands on.
Me: *Whole World Spinning in Crazy Circles, never mind that I'm driving*
AM: *Sees my deeply confused face* You...didn't know?
Me: .....but meat. MEAT. Raw MEAT.
AM: *Disaffected face*
Me: .....Why?
AM: Oh, that's NOTHING.
Me: ...
AM: Mom used to take us to her work on Saturdays when no one else was there.
Me: Yoouuuuuuuu hated that, too.
AM: HATED IT.
Me: Go on????
AM: I used to take family photos off of people's desks and put them on other's people's desks in other offices.
Me: *desperately tries to restrain a snort, cuz come on--that's borderline Junior Supervillian shit*
AM: Mom made me call and APOLOGIZE.
Me: ...
AM. To the WHOLE OFFICE.
Me: You realize you're an adult now. WITH KIDS.
AM: So...?
Me: You're still mad!
(Several hours later, after revealing this to G-Zilla)
GZ: Well! That explains it, then.
Me: 'Splains wot?
GZ: Her homework.
Me: Her--huh?
GZ: Midget and I used to do her homework assignments together.
Me: Uh huh.
GZ: Not a few samples, the whole assignment.
Me: Okay. That doesn't tell me anything.
GZ: They were DONE.
Me: ...
( Read more... )
You Tell Me
Jun. 29th, 2022 04:04 pmWhaddaya wanna hear about next...?
— Untold True Midget stories, or
— My fumbling attempts to 'get back out there?'
Promise they'll both be funny. There's enough tragedy goin' round already.
As always, I reserve the right to Pretend Y'all Ain't Voted on Shit
Just...Get Me Through the Month
Jun. 28th, 2022 08:21 amThe first preliminary hearing for the divorce will be held August 1st.
Just need to Keep My Chin Up long enough.
More later.
1 to 10, just like before. Reasons if you wanna, numbers if you don't
Tonight, in Self-Care
Jun. 19th, 2022 08:11 pmEnded the night like I shoulda.
Eight rides in a row in X-Flight, back row, on the right. Then four on the left.
X-Flight is the signature clef of winged coasters. Every foot of it perfect. The exact demonstration of what its genre should be.
Happy Finally Free Day to me.
Thinkin' Bout the Future: Lollapalooza
Jun. 16th, 2022 01:04 am
When It Hurts to Remember
Jun. 15th, 2022 02:48 pmGoogle won't stop farking haunting me with old vacations.
'Remember when you went HERE? And did THIS? And the other...?'
Not even old photos. Just Google pix of the locations.
But it reminds me that the highlights of Young Midget's and (Adult Midget's, in many instances) were my ideas. And everyone currently around me will run fresh outta those
Lil Better than Last Time
Jun. 14th, 2022 11:01 pmI went out tonight half-hoping to get the taste of last week's fiasco out my mouth, half-hoping to see this cute girl from another event again.
Never saw the girl. Didn't meet any others, either. Got phone numbers from two couples, tho. Actually, seems they both took mine. Who knew I'd be the cool guy...?
