Meet Da Midget, as I Guess She's Always Been

[newlifeinstpaul]

(Maybe a year or two ago, as I was driving her to my house)

Adult Midget:  I used to HATE when you'd run errands.

Me: Sorry.  Kinda had to tho.

AM: ESPECIALLY Menards.

Me: Hmmm...?

AM:  Menards was the WORST.

Me: Why?

AM: I couldn't POKE anything.

Me: Youuuuuu.  What?

AM: Remember how you'd tell me not to touch the bread at the grocery store?

Me: Yeah

AM: And the meat?

Me: WAIT.

AM: I poked holes in EVERY loaf of bread and package of meat I could get my hands on.

Me: *Whole World Spinning in Crazy Circles, never mind that I'm driving*

AM: *Sees my deeply confused face*  You...didn't know?

Me: .....but meat.  MEAT.  Raw MEAT.  

AM: *Disaffected face*

Me: .....Why?

AM: Oh, that's NOTHING.

Me: ...

AM:  Mom used to take us to her work on Saturdays when no one else was there.

Me: Yoouuuuuuuu hated that, too.

AM:  HATED IT.

Me: Go on????

AM: I used to take family photos off of people's desks and put them on other's people's desks in other offices.

Me: *desperately tries to restrain a snort, cuz come on--that's borderline Junior Supervillian shit*

AM:  Mom made me call and APOLOGIZE.

Me: ...

AM.  To the WHOLE OFFICE.

Me: You realize you're an adult now.  WITH KIDS.

AM: So...?

Me: You're still mad!

(Several hours later, after revealing this to G-Zilla)

GZ:  Well!  That explains it, then.

Me: 'Splains wot?

GZ: Her homework.

Me: Her--huh?

GZ: Midget and I used to do her homework assignments together.

Me: Uh huh.

GZ: Not a few samples, the whole assignment.

Me: Okay.  That doesn't tell me anything.

GZ:  They were DONE.  

Me: ...

GZ:  All she had to do was TAKE THEM OUT of her bag and DROP THEM ON THE DESK

Me:  Annnnnnnd

GZ: ...

Me: ...

GZ: ...

Me: ...

GZ: ...

Me: No.

GZ:  YES!  

That, my friends?   Is a level of eyes-closed-tightly, fists clenched, lalalalaLALALALALALAAAAAAA-singing 'Fuck You' that I've never previously heard of.  Is that EVEN a 'Fuck You?'  That's a whole new category.  It needs a fresh, yet instantly identifiable description. A single-kick, anal-shrub-punting level of Disgusted Contempt.  Like it didn't take that much effort, yet you're shitting those sticky red berries, pine cones and half a squirrel for a month and change.

And then I started wondering.

What if Adult Midget never wanted to SEE Me see me to begin with?  What if I was just a pawn?  Nothing more but a defiant side shrub-punt at the 'Dubs for making her conform before taking her back?

What Fuckin Eva.  I had a good run.

Comments

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Wow. Just wow.

[smittenbyu]

oh dear. sorry my Flu brain is not getting the last bit that was under the cut. And am afraid to ask if someone could explain?

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

Middle school Midget would refuse to turn in fully completed homework assignments. Just Cuz Fuck 'Zilla for making her do them

[smittenbyu]

oh wow. I have no words.

[zeecha.livejournal.com]

what a brat! sheesh.

[princess-design.livejournal.com]

Yikes.
(And thanks for staying true to you and posting the opposite of what everyone requested! Now...did we know you would do that and purposely ask for the other stories?)

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

Psssssh you'll have to coordinate that with other readers. Good luck!