Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Keep it down!
Genius at work here.
If you listen close, you can hear a grinding noise in his head...

- Yesterday, I attended a recorded session of training, the particulars of which--as usual--I can't discuss. One of the instructors had the great misfortune of a bad pair of contacts, a prompter that was obviously not adjusted to her height and a hair stylist who was doubtless a close relative of Cousin It. Long story short, she looked like a zombie from a low-budget 80s movie. I think she was there to ensure no one fell asleep during the training. Oh, the nightmares. The nightmares!

Anyway? About a half-hour into the session, I realized I wasn't even supposed to freakin' BE there. I entered the wrong date in my Outlook reminder list and was supposed to endure it today. Durka durrr durrr DURRRRR. Oh well. At least I'm done with it.

- I wanted to wear a tee to 'Ye and they tonight, but I can't really wear one to work. No problem, thought I. I'll just slip a nice crisp Arrow button-up over it, leave it unbuttoned and there ya go.

Except I kinda LEFT THE BUTTON-UP IN THE CAR 7 blocks away.

So I'm holed up in my semi-private cube, hoping no one talks to me before lunch.

But hey! I'm really good at churning out complex decisions, ya know?
No really! I am!

From the pages of...

...See, this is why she's MY girl.
Chapter 482.

Back in her lil' room in Manitoba where she grew up, there are these little strips of photo paper on her bulletin board. Why?

Well, you see...her very neat and orderly mumsie trims her own vacation photos by hand. So interloping passerby get the boot. Not only does Brenda snatch up those strips of photos, not only does she pin them up, she's given each of them names.





But I'm more of a 'big picture' guy...so leave it to me to hatch a conspiracy theory.
Which one makes the most sense?

- Are they being stalked by AARP ninjas, only THIS CLOSE to getting hit in the carotid artery by a membership card with sharpened corners?

Gussie: *burst of radio static* Madge, come in.
Madge: Huh?
Gussie: Madge! Come in!
Madge: HUH?!?!??!?
Gussie: Yer gonna blow my cover, jackass! Turn up your hearing aid!
Madge: *feedback* Sorry.
Gussie: Operation Thin The Herd is go. I'm in position.
Madge: Whack one senior, save 15% discounts for a thousand.
Gussie: Damn right. *aims AARP card*
Madge: CAMERA! CAMERA!!!! ASSUME THE PASSERBY POSITION!!
Gussie: Crap. *puts on sunglasses and turns to the left*

- Or are they victims of the Full Moon Tourist Club, whose members stick their backsides out for hours at a time at scenic locations?


Milton: Wait, wait. I think they see us.
Earl: No, no. Trust me. I've done this a thousand times.
Milton: How could they NOT see you? Look at that blue striped shirt!
Earl: They're in their own little world right now. Totally oblivious.
Milton: Ooh ooh! Here they go! They're holding up the camera...
Earl: And I give my little tush a pivot and BAM!
Camera: *flash goes off*
Earl: YEAH!!! Take me home (bleeeeep)s!
Milton: High five!
Earl: It's an art form, Milton. An art form.

Or does everyone just buy clothes from the same 'Really Bad Vacation Shorts' bin at the local Pomida?
Hell if I know.