We'd chuck ValleyFair
for Worlds of Fun

Reasons 10 - 6

We visited ValleyFair Sunday for the first time since our Worlds of Fun trip. The only thing we could talk about? How we wished we were back.
There's so many reasons I'll only give you the last five here.

10) Patriot

We looooooooooooooves us some B&M steel. Yes we do. Yes we do.
My #1 steelie (Kumba) and LP's (Montu) are both Swiss machines.
Da Midget prefers loops to anything else, but was always too short--'till now.
We rode the absolute living crap outta Patriot.

So why don't Da Babies look so happy?
Oh, don't worry 'bout that. Really! They're having a good time riding!

But Da Midgety One's being extremely annoying.
Big Sister Backslap in 3...2...1...

DAAAAADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

I tried to get LP excited about our 2007 coaster Saturday. I showed her photo after photo of gorgeous twisty GCI track, the Millennium Flyer trains and it just didn't register. If it wasn't me showing her the photos? And if she were allowed to curse? I don't even wanna know what she'd say.

Honestly. I was walking by the new orange construction fence at our park, pointing out the new spire stakes, the absence of the former employee parking fence and Da Midget snorted, "OooOOOOooooh. Really exciting, Daddy." I tell you the truth. Our next coaster isn't a B&M and they. Are. PISSED.

So why is this reason the last? Cuz we wouldn't chuck our home park over just one coaster. Frankly, we'd chuck it without WOF's B&M. But let's go on.

9) This path. Yes. I kid you not.

Ooooh, it's asphalt! Yeah, that's a better reason than a big-ass coaster, right?
Let me explain. This is the entry path to the park. It makes you feel like you're leaving the world behind you and actually GOING somewhere, not slogging through a parking lot to reach the carnival. Which leads us naturally to #8--cuz while you're walking this path you hear...

8) Music

Not just any music. Very classic theme park music. The type that makes you feel like you're embarking on an adventure or perhaps discovering something.

VF's music selection Just Plain SUCKS. It's nonstop 80s nonsense. Worse than 80s nonsense, it's inoffensive 80s nonsense. Da Babies snort like feh? at the sound of it and frankly, I'm embarrassed to hear it. Mind you, I grew up to it! Doesn't help.

Go to the State Fair and the music is hardcore. Head-smashing rock at 120 decibels, gangsta rap MAYBE sans F-Bombs, strobe lights everywhere, greasy food, freaky carnie types...it's a compelling part of a raw, visceral, downright trippy experience.

Then there's Disney, who's 30,000% family-friendly, overly sanitary with music you couldn't say 'Darn' to. Again, another complete experience. Of course, it's so squeaky clean you wanna run to a restroom to re-wipe--but that's not the point.

Valleyfair's musical choices limp between the two extremes and therefore gets absolutely nowhere. WOF's music fits the park. You might not notice unless you've been somewhere that it doesn't. It feels SO much better.

7) A REAL WATERPARK on the premises
Duh. You don't need to hear me pontificate on that more. Do you?

6) Black people
Not just people who happen to be African-American. Black employees, black guests and not just the typical self-conscious, brash and unbearably LOUD LOUD LOUD FOB Chicago types we seem to get too many of here. Church-going black people. The polite, friendly articulate, self-aware type.

This is why the ex goes out on business and comes back squealing, "That's it. I'm moving to (Atlanta-DC-St-Louis-Fill-in-the-blank)." She's got a point.

5) Theming!

Swingy ship rides are fun.

Swingy ship rides over water reached by a bridge are more fun.
Or take this example. Spinning rollercoasters are also fun.

But spinning rollercoasters with an Asian-themed station in an Asian-themed surroundings with Asian music playing? Better.

I'm not speaking hypothetically here. We have the EXACT SAME COASTER in town. I don't mean the same type or even the same builder. Absolutely and precisely the same thing. Cedar Fair said, "We'll take two of 'em," plunked one in Camp Snoopy at the Mall and the other one here. Da Babies liked this one better.